This morning I was looking through the ads from yesterdays paper and saw something that Medium Boy would love.  Something that I didn’t even know existed until I saw it.  This discovery reinforced a feeling that I’ve been having the last few weeks.  I suck at Medium Boy’s birthday.

Birthdays are one of those things that I really want my kids to love and enjoy.  It’s their day, the day they look forward to all year, I want it to be special.  Medium Boy was born on my birthday and his dad’s birthday is the day after.  On top of that, the birthdays are usually over the Thanksgiving weekend.  While it gives us a lot to celebrate, it also robs Medium Boy of his special day.

I struggle with gifts for him.  This year he asked for the Lego Millennium Falcon.  When I told him that we couldn’t afford that he said “But you got the AT-AT Walker for Big Boy for his birthday” and then in the sweetest way possible said “That’s okay if you can’t get it.”  Which made me wish even more that I could buy it for him.  I couldn’t and I didn’t.  We also told Big Boy that we couldn’t afford the AT-AT Walker but through a great sale and some extra cash we hadn’t planned on, it turned out that we could make it work.  We didn’t have a similar miracle this time and once again Medium Boy was the one left out.

When my husband and I went to buy him some presents we walked around the toy store for an hour with no ideas.  We settled on a Yoda alarm clock which he loves but isn’t that exciting, and a remote control car.  We didn’t have any remote control cars and figured it would be something new that he would really like.  The other day a friend was trying to drive the car and Medium Boy said “It’s really hard to drive.  I don’t like it I’m going to sell it at the yard sale.”  Another strike.  I think his favorite toy from his birthday is the plastic sword he got from the prize redemption center at the arcade/play center we went to.

In an attempt to make up for my failure I threw together a friend party on Saturday.  It went well and they all had fun.  After it was over Big Boy said “That was the shortest party ever.  Why was it so short?”  I could only come up with “Because that’s all I could do today.”  And that’s the truth, that was all I could do.  I had a lot more ideas but there just wasn’t time to get them ready before the party started.  Sometimes it just really stinks when you feel like your best isn’t enough.

The worst thing about it is that Medium Boy hasn’t said anything.  No complaints out of him at all.  I feel like I’m just reinforcing the “middle child” syndrome.  Like he just goes along with it because “that’s how life goes sometimes” as he likes to say.

I know that in the grand scheme of things it really isn’t a big deal.  He will grow up healthy and happy and hopefully have good memories of his 5th birthday.  And for me, I’ll remember these feelings next year and give that kid the best darn birthday I can manage.

photo credit

This week I read an article in the BYU Alumni Magazine that really hit me.  It made me think and gave me some realizations into my life.  It is on love and has such a great message.  You can find the text or audio here.  I read a shorter version but I imagine the long one is just as good.  I think I would suggest adding this to your ipod or list of things to read.  I don’t think you’ll be sorry.

My sister-in-law shared this on facebook.  It was a message I needed to hear and think that everyone can benefit from.

I love that Baby Boy is growing up.

I love when he comes to me, gets my attention, then walks away a step or two and turns around to make sure I’m following him.

Or when he brings me his shoes and immediately sits down so I can put them on his feet.

I love that after his shoes are on he usually walks to the door, showing me that he wants to go outside or that he knows I just said we were going to go somewhere.

I love when he wants milk to drink instead of water, he goes to the fridge door and tries to open it.

I love how excited he gets when I get the chocolate powder out of the cupboard and he knows he’s getting chocolate milk.

I love it when he walks to the counter and points to the cupboard where the M&M’s are and when I open the cupboard he promptly sits down on the floor, ready to eat his treat.

I love it when he follows his big brothers around and wants to do whatever they are doing.

I love it when he comes to me with a binky in his mouth and a mischievous look on his face, knowing that binkys are only for when he’s in bed.

I love it when he sits on “big boy” chairs and you can see that he is so proud of himself.

Most of all, I love that he still lets me rock him every night.  That he cuddles up next to me, and even if it’s only for a minute or two, in some small way, he’s telling me that he’s still my baby.