I visited with a neighbor this afternoon.  She is 88 years old and her husband passed away last summer.  She has some health problems so she can’t go out for too long.  She gets so lonely.  It’s interesting to talk to her and hear about her struggles.  She is alone all the time, doesn’t have much to do, sleeps a lot.  It’s hard for her.

Here I am with a house full of noise and kids, never get as much sleep as I’d like to and always have a never ending to do list.  What I wouldn’t do for a day of quiet, all to myself.  To actually be alone, be able to sleep if I wanted, and not feel like I have a huge list of things I needed to do.

My husband had to go to Puerto Rico for work back in 2009 and I decided to go with him.  Because of the circumstances, I had to be at the hotel all day alone while he went to his classes.  The hotel was right on the beach.  My husband kept apologizing to me because I was stuck there and couldn’t do anything.  Little did he know it was the best, most relaxing, vacation ever.  I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.  There was absolutely no pressure to be doing anything else.  I sat on the beach and read, took pictures, slept in, and just enjoyed having nothing to do.

For my neighbor it’s a struggle, for me it was heaven.

She mentioned once that she only cleans her house every other week or so.  How would that be?  Of course I know that it wouldn’t be all that great because a clean house means no children.  It means not hearing their laughter and the funny things they say.  It means not getting loving hugs from them whenever I want and seeing the smile on their face when they learn something new.  For me, it would also mean no husband around.  (He’s pretty good at leaving things around the house.)  No one to share my trials and joys with.  Of course I would trade a million dirty houses for a house full of family and love.

It can be so easy to long for other days, wish for a different season of life.  Right now, I’m trying to enjoy the season I’m in, chaos and all.