I thought Chris had taken the “slow down” well. I was sure it was what we were supposed to do. But I hurt him. The following is his journal entry for the day.
10 March 2002
It’s amazing how a surprising and somewhat bad moment can overshadow the entire day. I had such a good day. It all began with a spiritual scripture study, then stake conference was good. I got home feeling wonderful. Heather and I went on a drive up to Thistle Creek and looked at our restoration project from last year. On the way back we stopped at the Bicentennial Park in Provo and we talked for a bit. Something has been bothering her for about a week now, and she told me. She said she didn’t feel right about us. She said the time wasn’t right and we should slow things down and give some time. She also said she felt we should break up, but could never do that.
I am just having a real hard time with that since she still comes over and snuggles up, and wants hugs and a goodnight kiss etc… I don’t know what she wants. I am a little (no a lot) sad right now, I feel confused and hurt. This event has somehow clouded all the wonderful experiences of this day. I have never loved someone like I love Heather. I can only hope and pray she will be happy with me.
Now both of our journal entries from the next day. Mine first, then Chris’s.
March 11, 2002
Dad is here interviewing for a job at BYU so we got together for dinner. It was fun. It was good to see Dad. Chris came with us. I wanted him too. I actually spent a lot of time with him today. Things feel really different for me. I don’t know if I can explain it. It’s a good different though which is a good thing. Who knows what will happen though.
11 March 202
Last night has affected my entire day. I didn’t want to go to class this morning, but I did. I was angry all day, but I got a lot done. I went to the BYU library and did some research for my paper. I also met Heather for lunch although I really didn’t want to. I am glad I went. She also asked if I wanted to go to dinner with her family. I asked her if she wanted me to go, she didn’t want to make the decision but this was one she needed to make. I am glad I got to go eat with her brother, sisters, bro-in-law, and her dad. We had a good evening. Heather and I also talked tonight and resolved a little feelings about last night. I feel good now. A whole lot better anyway.
The next afternoon we went to a movie. We saw Serendipity which I remember not liking much. It was a chick flick that was too much even for me. But something happened while we were there, I realized that I wanted to be with Chris. That romantic story, no matter how lame it was, had it’s effect on me. I was in love with him.
Later that night we were laying on his bed talking. I tried to explain the change in my feelings. I don’t remember what I said exactly. We did talk about proposals and I told him that I didn’t have to be proposed to in the mountains like I had previously told him. We were both happy being there together. Then he asked me if I would marry him. I thought about it for a few seconds and felt good about it so I said yes.
So much for slowing things down.
On April 13, we went back up to Thistle Creek. Chris fished for awhile while I spectated. Then he came up to me, hugged me and pulled a ring out of his pocket. He was shaking from nerves when he asked me again if I would marry him. Of course I said yes. At this point we already had the temple scheduled as well as many other things planned. I was totally committed. But the fact that he was nervous was cute to me.
I am so glad I got over my doubts and realized that I wanted to be with Chris forever. He is the love of my life and the best thing that ever happened to me. He is my anchor in life and my calm place when the storm is raging around me.
Now, 10 years later, I’m so grateful that my plan to slow things down actually sped things up.