My sister posted a link to an article on learning from failure on her blog.  It really made me think about the way I praise my children.  I will no longer tell my boys they are smart even though they are.  From now on they are “such hard workers” or “worked really hard on that”.  Read the article here if you’re interested.  I promise it’s worth your time, especially if you have kids.  If you don’t it’s worth reading for yourself.

(Seriously, how cute is she?)

This week I was also reminded of one of my favorite quotes.  Marjorie Pay Hinckley  – “I don’t want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone’s garden. I want to be there with children’s sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”  I read this quote for the first time many years ago and have never forgotten it.  It truly is the kind of person I strive to be.

I was thinking today about an experience that I had a few weeks ago.  Once again I was listening to the radio and there was a program on with a woman who had just written a book or made a documentary film (I can’t remember which) on school lunches in our nation.  She talked about how it was pretty much fast food and that we needed to get back to healthy food for our kids.  I listened and as the program went on I got more and more upset with the school lunch program at my son’s school.

The school district that we live in has won the “Best of State” award for the last two years for it’s school lunch program.  It may have won other awards also, I don’t know.  I knew about these awards when I was listening to the radio program but I justified my feelings by what this woman was saying.  Certainly the school lunch program here had to have the problems she was talking about.  At one point a woman who has children in the same school district as me, called in and said how impressed she was with the school lunch menu.  My thought as I listened to her praises was “Yesterday Big Boy had a corn dog for lunch.  They obviously aren’t that great.”  Well, it turns out it was a baked turkey corn dog.

I have realized two things from this experience.  First, I automatically had negative thoughts about something because of what is happening elsewhere that doesn’t apply here.  I have come to realize that the school lunch here really is better than a lot of places.  Of course there are plenty of days that my son eats pizza or a hamburger for lunch but they always have whole wheat rolls, brown rice, and sometimes pay the kids a quarter if they have eaten all of their fruit or vegetables.  It is so easy to just assume the worst about something and focus on the bad but when we do that we can totally miss all of the good that is there.  I am glad that I have been able to see the good in the school lunches here and hope I can apply this lesson to other areas of my life as well.

Second, a little while after this I was making lunch for my family one Sunday and threw some frozen corn dogs in the microwave.  Yes, full fat, fried, beef (ish?) corn dogs.  As I did this, I thought back on the school lunch thoughts and realized that I was expecting the school to feed my child better than I was feeding my child.  At least when Big Boy eats a corn dog at school it’s a healthier version.  When it comes to nutrition, I really shouldn’t expect more out of the school than I expect of myself.

I guess there are some good lessons that can be learned from listening to NPR.

 

 

This is something I wrote back in 2009.  I found it recently and wanted to share it.

May 27, 2009

As I was praying and thinking this morning I had an interesting realization. Yesterday Big Boy had his first friend birthday party. He had been looking forward to it for months and had a lot of fun. It went well and we were all really happy for the rest of the afternoon/evening. I went to bed feeling really grateful for a great day. I was thinking the same thing this morning, “yesterday was such a good day.” Then I remembered yesterday before the party.

We had gone to bed late the night before and all morning either Big Boy or Medium Boy was crying over simple things like wanting the bowl that the other one has, spilling milk on their pants, not wanting to get their diaper changed, etc. I had to go to the store and pick up a few things for the party that afternoon. Sometimes when we go to this store I let the boys get a donut if they’re good. I didn’t want them to have one this time because I didn’t want it to become a habit and I also knew they would be having cupcakes and ice-cream later. Big Boy was okay with this but Medium boy was not. He tried to run away the whole time at the store (heading for the donuts) and when we were leaving without a donut he threw a fit. He was screaming and kicking while I paid for our stuff and continued as we got in the car. He wouldn’t get in his car seat. I forcefully put him in enough to do the top strap and left it at that. (The store is only a few blocks from our house.) He screamed and cried the whole way home. After a whole morning of this it was just too much. (This wasn’t just a one day thing. Medium Boy had been acting this way a lot lately and it was all building up inside of me.) I ended up in tears on the way home telling Heavenly Father that I was at the edge and I didn’t know how much more of this I could stand.

We got home and I put Medium Boy down for a nap, which is what he needed all along. Then Big Boy and I made cupcakes and got everything ready for his party. Medium Boy woke up right as the party was starting and was happy for the rest of the day with the rest of us. We all went on to have a really fun afternoon with no crying or fighting, just laughing, playing and fun.

This one day shows me a lot about motherhood, or parenthood. It is a struggle and a challenge and there are so many times that you are at the end of your rope and you think you just can’t go on. Then there are those times when your kids are having the time of their life and it brings you so much joy. Seeing your children so happy brings much more happiness to a parent than anything that could happen to the parent itself. And the glory of it all is that the good times are the things that we remember most. It hadn’t even been 12 hours and I had already almost forgotten the horrible morning because of the wonderful afternoon. I guess that’s why we go on, why we have more kids and keep doing what we can do make our kids happy. Or maybe it’s because at this point we don’t have much of a choice. Either way, I’m glad we tend to forget about the bad and remember the good times in life.

Lately I have wondered what life was life before the internet.  I remember taking a computer class my sophomore year of high school where we learned how to use the internet.  I know that there was a time that I didn’t have it but I was young and life was different then.  I can’t imagine being in the position I’m in now and not be able to look anything up in seconds.  How did people get information?  I know we had shelves full of encyclopedias when I was growing up that I would use to write reports in school.  That and a visit to the reference section of the library.  How much easier we have it now thanks to Wikipedia.

I feel like my life has benefited greatly from the internet.  I read several blogs that inspire me to be better in so many ways.  Before the internet we really couldn’t be connected with someone anywhere in the world and know what they did with their life and be able to learn from them.  At least not in the way we can now.  I gain confidence in myself when I read others online who have the same thoughts and views about things that I do.  I also get a lot of motivation when I hear others stories and see what they’ve been able to accomplish.

I also don’t know how anyone ever had any ideas on decorating or do-it-yourself tutorials, etc.  How did you find a great idea to incorporate into your life?  I imagine there were a lot more magazines and books read, or maybe even a newspaper, in order to get ideas.  Thanks to Pinterest and a million craft/design blogs we have so many ideas at our fingertips.

It is so convenient.  How many more errands would I have to run if I couldn’t shop, pay bills, bank, check the library for a book, get emails from my sons teacher, etc. all online?.

Yes, there is a lot of bad that the internet also brings.  A lot of it is really bad but fortunately for me that hasn’t effected me too much.  The worst part for me is the time wasting.  Big Boy once said that I’m always in the kitchen and I’m either cooking or on the computer.  He is pretty much right.  It is so easy to get sucked in and look at everyone’s great ideas even though I have no intention of doing them.  I’m always striving to find a balance with my computer time.  Despite the challenges, I’d choose the internet over no internet any day.

 

I was listening to NPR last week as I drove in the car.  There was a story on about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and the effect that they have had on the children of members of the military.  They were interviewing a school counselor from Texas who has worked in schools where most of the kids have at least one parent in the military.  She told a story about a 14 year old boy whose dad came home from a deployment and when no one was there to greet him he went to his sons school to see him.  The son had to tell his dad that they were living with the dad’s friend and his mom was pregnant with the friends baby.  (You can listen to the story here if you are interested.)  The premise behind the story was that because of a war a 14 year old boy was put in this situation.  At least that is how I understood it.

While I agree with the woman in the story that a 14 year old boy should never have to be the one to tell his father about this, I don’t agree with the context that the story was told in.  Not once did they mention the mother, except to say that she was pregnant with another man’s child.  Why is this story the wars fault?  The fact that his dad was deployed isn’t what caused this boy to have to tell this stuff to his father.  It was the choices that his mother made while his father was deployed that put the kid in this situation.  A woman caused these problems, not a war.

I hear about the military and military families and all of the bad stuff that is happening because of the repeated deployments and it bothers me.  I feel like people are blaming their bad choices on the deployment, using it as an excuse for their behavior.  Just because you are separated doesn’t mean your relationship has to suffer.  I know because I’ve been through it.  When my husband left one of the things I was the most worried about was our relationship.  How can you stay close to someone when you don’t see them for a year and only talk every few days?  It can happen.  It did happen.  My husband and I grew closer while he was gone, our relationship was strengthened during this time and has benefited greatly since.

Using your circumstances as an excuse for your behavior doesn’t just happen in military life.  Everyone goes through hard times in their life when choices have to be made.  People justify bad choices because of their situation and use excuses for their behavior.  But no matter what the circumstance is, we have choices.  The circumstance doesn’t make us do anything.  We choose.

So NPR and all other media outlets, please stop helping people justify their bad decisions.  Don’t try to make me think that a woman choosing to sleep with her husband’s friend while we was over fighting a war and then keeping secrets which lead to her son being put in a difficult situation is the wars fault.  It isn’t and it never will be.

 

 

 

*This post contains  LDS scriptures, doctrines and language that might not be familiar to you.  I try to explain things the best that I can or provide links to help you understand.  Please feel free to ask any questions that you might have.  I will do my best to answer them for you.  Or you can visit mormon.org or lds.org for more information.

One of my favorite scriptures is Doctrine and Covenants 68:6,

Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you; and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and that I am to come.

I have turned to it many times when I needed strength.  There is much that I like about it.  First, “be of good cheer.”  Being cheerful is one of the personality characteristics that I really admire.  Don’t you love being around people who are “of good cheer”?  I do.  Second, “do not fear.”  There is so much in this life that I am afraid of.  I worry so much and this admonition from the Lord to “not fear” is something that I often need to hear.  And third, “I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you.”  I love the reminder that the Lord is not only always with me but he will stand by me.  He is the rod that I can rely on when my strength fails.

Recently I read a quote from Jeffery R. Holland that said

We should honor the Savior’s declaration to “be of good cheer.” (Matthew 14:27)  Indeed, it seems to me we may be more guilty of breaking that commandment than almost any other.”

I loved that he made it clear that it is a commandment for us to “be of good cheer” not just something that would be good for us to do it we felt so inclined.

Recently I was struggling with a decision.  I knew what the Lord wanted me to do but I had a hard time believing it.  I couldn’t see why it needed to happen and I didn’t believe in myself.  During this time I discovered Doctrine and Covenants 78:17-18.

17 Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye are little  children, and ye have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you; 18 And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along….

This scripture really hit home for me.  First of all, I liked it because it has my favorite phrase “be of good cheer” but it was so much more than that.  It told me that I don’t know what the Lord has in store for me and the blessings that he had prepared.  It even says that I can’t understand them now and he knows that but I can have faith and “be of good cheer” and he will lead me along.   And really, who else would I rather follow?  No one.  I have since followed through with what the Lord had told me to do and in a short time I am already seeing the benefits.

We are told many times in the scriptures to “be of good cheer.”  Another one of my favorites is John 16:33

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

This scripture again gives so much hope.  The world that we live in doesn’t provide us with peace but Jesus Christ has overcome the world.  We can turn to him for the peace we desire.

I love the commandment to “be of good cheer.”  When I am struggling, the scriptures that have this phrase in them are always some of the first that I turn to.  I hope that as Elder Holland said, I can honor the Savior’s declaration to “be of good cheer” more in my life.

 

There are many great talks on this topic.  Some good ones can be found here, here, here and here

I think I might start using Fridays to tell you of some of my favorite things.  I’ll start today.

One of my favorite things lately is Swagbucks.  It is a search engine that gives you points, or swag bucks, randomly when you search.  When you get so many points you can trade them in for stuff.  The only thing I’ve ever traded mine in for are $5 Amazon gift cards but there are lots of different options.  There are a lot of other ways to earn swag bucks but the search is the one that I get the most from.  Searching for things online is something I do everyday anyway so I might as well earn something from it right?  I did get quite a few when I bought a groupon through the site.  It was super easy to do and was something I was going to buy anyway.  I started using the search engine about April of this year and have already redeemed enough points for 5 gift cards.

Although the search has improved in the last few weeks, it still isn’t as good as Google.  I have the swag bucks tool bar so I can easily search with it.  (Plus you get 1 point per day just for having it.)  I always use it first but if I don’t like the results I do another search with Google.  (This rarely happens by the way.)

Swag Bucks is also a referral site.  I don’t have any referrals yet but apparently when you refer someone you get swag bucks when they sign up and then when they earn them from searching or other ways, you earn some too.  I am referring all of you now so if you’re interested go sign up.  I’m trying to get as many as I can over the next few weeks to help with our Christmas and birthdays the next few months.  This is as close to a multilevel marketing plan that you will ever get out of me.

I had heard about the site for awhile before I signed up and really wish I would have done it sooner.

If you want more info on the site or how you can earn bucks there are great posts here,  (this is the first in a series.  There are links to the others at the end of the post.) or just go to swagbucks and sign up.

 

Don’t you hate it when you’re wrong?

Last Friday when I picked Medium Boy up from preschool, the aid asked me if we had one of the book bags. (They send home bags with a book and a stuffed animal that goes with the book for the parent and child to read together and snuggle with.)  I didn’t remember seeing it so I said that I didn’t think so but I would check.  I looked for it a little over the weekend but didn’t find it and really didn’t remember Medium Boy bringing one home.  When I dropped him off on Monday I asked his teacher if they had found it and they still hadn’t.  I’m usually pretty good at keeping track of things like this. (at least I was until I had child #3.  Three kids makes you lose your mind sometimes.:) ) She told me that she might have made a mistake and sent it home with someone else so she sent a note home with all of the kids that day asking if anyone had it.

Later that evening I was thinking about it and thought that I might remember him getting it but didn’t remember seeing it again.  So, it finally hit me to check the car.  There it was, under the folded down back seat, the book totally bent in half.  Yikes!  I’m pretty sure it didn’t look like that when he left preschool.

So, not only do I have to bring it back and tell her I was wrong, I also have to tell her that we ruined it.  And look at the sticker displayed on the front the whole time.

Luckily for me there is a thing called the internet where you can find out of print books at bookstores in Oregon and have them sent to you to replace ones folded in half by your car seat even if you have to pay about 10 times what it probably cost the preschool teacher to buy it from the library discard sale.   Hopefully Miss Julie will trust us with her books again.

 

Sept 15, 1994

Dad’s birthday.  I missed his party.  I was getting a keeper shirt.  It cost 74 dollars.  Kurt bought it for me.  It has all different colors on it.  School and soccer were the same.  I went to YW (a weekly activity for the youth in our church) after shopping.  We had a surprise party for Pat.  Tons of people were there.  A lot went, the most that have gone for a long time.  It was fun.  Then I did homework, got in the tub, then got ready for bed.  Kurt is so awesome.  He bought me a 75 dollar keeper shirt.  Dad is going to call and see if we can get some money back because he told dad we could get a deal but we didn’t know that so we didn’t try to get one.  I hope we can get some money back.  Well, goodnight.

I have the best brothers.  I still remember Kurt buying me that shirt.  I was really grateful then and still am now.  Thanks Kurt.

p.s. For those who are interested I changed the picture on this post.  You might want to look at it.

A few years ago my family and I pulled into Costco to get gas.  As we pulled up to the pump, there was a Prius at the pump in front of us.  It had a bumper sticker on it’s bumper.  I can’t remember the exact words of the bumper sticker but the meaning was clear, those who drive gas guzzling cars are unpatriotic.

We were driving a Jeep Grand Cherokee.

We were also on our way to the airport to drop my husband off so he could return to Iraq to finish out the last few months of his year long deployment.

The bumper sticker hurt me.  Here I was about to send my husband back to war and be left home alone again with two small children yet this person thinks that I am unpatriotic because of the kind of car I drive.  He doesn’t know anything about our family, what my husband did for work, what we did in our free time, many of the reasons why we drove the vehicle that we did.  I felt like all he saw was what kind of car we were driving and that told him everything about us.

I realize that this was a vulnerable time in my life and at another time the bumper sticker probably wouldn’t have bothered me so much.  I also understand the arguments that can be made about our dependance on foreign oil and how that effects our country.   But to me being patriotic is so much more than the kind of car we drive.

I have thought about this experience many times throughout the years.  It has helped me to realize how quickly and easily we pass judgements about those around us, sometimes for the smallest of things that don’t really tell us the kind of person they are.

I am certainly not an exception.  As I was leaving Costco another time I was going to cross the parking lot when I looked up and saw an Escalade coming.  I stopped because the thought in my mind was, “They’re in an Escalade, they’re not going to stop for me.”  I realized then that I judge the kindness of people by the kind of car they drive.  Because someone drives an expensive car it is easy for me to think they are self-centered and don’t care about others.  Obviously that assumption isn’t true.  I know some really nice people who drive Escalades and they would probably stop for me in a parking lot.

Maybe it’s so easy to judge others because we figure it’s not hurting them, they don’t know what we are thinking about them so it doesn’t really matter.  A lot of the times that might be true, they won’t know, but the problem with thoughts is that they precede actions and I’m sure people can tell by our actions how we think about them.

I love the quote by Mother Teresa, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

I wonder what my life would be like if I immediately loved everyone instead of judging them?  I can’t help but think I would have a much more joyous existence.

If you want to read a wonderful talk on this subject go here.  It’s one of my favorites of all time.