Today is my Dad’s birthday.

My dad has always been someone I’ve looked up to.

He seems to always have the answer for any question that I ask him.  Whether it’s about a doctrine from our church, a medical ailment, something about history or anything in between, he knows the answer.

My dad made us breakfast every morning growing up.  It was usually pancakes, sometimes french toast or cream of wheat.  In the winter time he would make warm grape juice from the grapes at my Granny’s house.  That grape juice is still one of my favorite things.  He read The Book of Mormon to us while we ate.  Then he drove me to school, even in high school when we only lived a block from the school.

Sometimes he would take the bus to work so that one of us kids could have the car.  He once told me that the only people who rode the bus were mentally handicapped or BYU professors, like he was.  A professor, I mean.  Not mentally handicapped.

I played soccer in high school.  I only remember 2 games that my Dad missed.  One was a few hours away and he couldn’t make it.  The other one was the day my sister got married.  I probably shouldn’t have been at that one either.  I had one of the best plays of my soccer career at that game.  I was sad that my dad missed it.

One time when I was a teenager my dad washed my favorite yellow shirt in a batch of darks.  When it came out it wasn’t quite as yellow.  I didn’t handle it well.  Sorry Dad.

My dad can drive.  And I mean for hours nonstop.  We went on lots of road trips growing up.  He drove and drove and drove.  I’m not sure how he does it.  I remember laying on the seat of our 12 passenger Ford van on road trips, looking out into the night sky and listening to old country songs on the radio as my dad drove on.  Those old songs will always remind me of my dad.

We went to Maine on a trip once.  Two of my sisters and I were so excited to eat lobster by a lighthouse in Maine.  We each ordered lobster for lunch.  None of us liked it so my Dad ate 3 lobsters for lunch that day.  He didn’t seem to mind much.

There is nothing better than awesome dad.  I know because I have one.

Happy Birthday Dad.  I love you.

One of the things that I have been trying to work on in my life lately is intent.  I tend to be a fly by the seat of my pants kind of person.  I just let things happen as they happen.  I don’t think this is always a bad thing but I felt like there were times when it was bringing me down.  Things that I wanted to happen weren’t happening because I wasn’t making them happen.  This was especially true when it came to being a mother.

One day several months ago I was browsing the clearance section of a local book store and came across this book.

I had been reading Shawni’s blog for awhile and really enjoyed it.  I also knew that Linda Eyre had written many other parenting books even though I hadn’t read any of them.  I glanced at it and figured since it was only $5 I’d bring it home with me.  I am so glad I did.  I love it.

There is a whole section of the book titled “Have an Organized Offense...before serious defense becomes necessary.”  I love thinking of intent as offense.  Since I grew up in a home where sports were a regular part of our life, this just makes things so much clearer.  I played soccer growing up.  I was the goalie which meant I was the last line of defense.  If I didn’t stop the ball, it was too late.  I don’t want to get to the point with my children, my family or my life in general where we are at the goalie.  There’s one last chance to save things.  I’d much rather be playing with the forwards and not let the ball get past the midfielders. There are so many more options when you’re on offense.  Many more mistakes that can be made when there are several people behind you to back you up.  If the goalie makes a mistake, it’s over.  I am so grateful for the fresh perspective on intentional living.

One of my favorite ideas from this section of the book is what they call the Five Facet Review.  Once a month husband and wife sit down and discuss how each child is doing in five different areas, physically, mentally, socially, emotionally, and spiritually.  There have been several times when I have noticed something that is wrong with one of my boys but it isn’t a big deal so I don’t really worry about it.  But when the same thing is still happening weeks or months later I realize that something needs to be done.  With a regular review you would discuss these issues with your spouse regularly and most likely get things taken care of in a timely manner.  Usually the sooner problems are resolved the better.  I also like this idea because often times my husband has solutions to problems that I never would have thought of.

The Five Facet Review stuff is only 3 pages of one section of this book.  There is so much more to love about it.  Not only is this book full of great inspiration and ideas but it was obviously written for mothers.  It is broken down into small sections so there are plenty of places to stop if you get interrupted after 2 minutes of reading.  That doesn’t mean you can’t, and won’t, finish it in one sitting.

Since I loved the book so much I decided that I wanted to share it with others.  I went back to the bookstore and bought the last two copies they had.  So I’m going to give away not one, but two copies of A Mother’s Book of Secrets.  Even if you aren’t a mother there is something in this book that you can benefit from.  It would also make a great baby shower gift.  I wish I would have know this stuff when I was pregnant with my first baby.

To enter, leave a comment below.  You can also enter a second time by spreading the giveaway throughout the interweb.  Blog it, tweet it, facebook it, etc. then leave me another comment telling me what you did.  Although you are welcome to share the love as many ways as you want, you can only enter the giveaway twice.  Anyone with more than two comments will be disqualified.  The giveaway ends Sept 22 at midnight Mountain Time.  Get your entries in before then.  A winner will be posted on the 23st.

If you don’t win and still want to read the book you can get it here.  (It is still listed at $4.99 so I’d jump on this if you’re thinking about it.  It has restocked at Deseret Book for $20 so who knows how long the $5 price will last.)  It is now listed as out of stock at the $5 price but is still available here.

If you’ve ever read a parenting book or magazine you’ve probably read that kids learn by example.  I’ve read that many times and it made sense to me but recently I have watched it happen right before my eyes.

The other day my husband was putting some baseboard trim in our bedroom.  He put it a little too high on one side so he grabbed a putty knife and stuck it behind the trim to loosen the glue so he could move the trim down.  Baby Boy was sitting there watching his dad work and as soon as his dad put the putty knife down Baby Boy grabbed it and tried to put it behind the trim.  A few days later I had Baby Boy in his room and he got the same putty knife.  As soon as it was in his hand he was trying to stick it behind the baseboard in his room.  Someday I’m sure he will learn what a putty knife is actually for but for now it’s an object to stick behind that long white thing on the wall.

This learning by example has been apparent to me in my older boys as well.  Middle Boy loves his baby brother.  He has always loved babies and it is so much fun for him to have one around all the time.  I’ve noticed that Middle Boy doesn’t say anything to his little brother that he hasn’t already heard someone else say.  He calls him the same nicknames that I do and says the same phrases to him.  Whether he says them right after I do or weeks later, it’s always something someone else has said first.  He is learning how to act with a baby by watching me and others.

A few months ago we were hiking as a family.  As we were walking down the trail my husband reached down, picked a wild flower and gave it to me.  Before he had even handed it to me, Big Boy had also picked one and was giving it to me.

These times have been so clear in my mind lately.  I admit that they scare me some.  I feel a lot of pressure when I realize that all they are learning about being in a family, being married, having a home, etc. they’re learning from me and my husband.  It is definitely a good reminder to me to keep my priorities in line.

I was in college at the time and first heard the news as I was driving to class.  I was listening to the X96 morning show and they were talking about it.  I didn’t know what was going on at first because I turned the radio on in the middle of the conversation.  It didn’t take long.  I went to class.  I think BYU might have cancelled classes later in the day but I know I went to mine that morning.  We didn’t have tv at home so I didn’t see much coverage.  I do remember walking through the bookstore and there were  a lot of people standing in front of the tv’s watching the coverage there.  It hit me then that some of them might be from New York.

I remember the feeling as the days and weeks went on.  The unity that was felt.  I also remember the fund raisers.  Hearing story after story of the money people had been saving for a special occasion that they were now giving away.

As we stop 10 years later to remember the tragedy, I have heard much about how our country was changed that day and in the years following.  One of the changes I’ve noticed is the way we treat members of our armed forces.  My husband has been in the National Guard since 1996.  I didn’t meet him until a few weeks after 9-11 but he told me that before then he didn’t like to wear his uniform anywhere because of the reaction it got out of people.  He would be jeered at and made fun of.

He still doesn’t like to wear his uniform anywhere because of the reaction he gets but now it’s a much different reaction.  The jeers and jokes have turned to thanks and praise.  He has had meals bought for him on more than one occasion.  The other night at our sons soccer game a gentleman came from a few fields over to thank him for his service.

He spent a year in Iraq.  When they were coming home the airport terminal in Texas was filled with people holding signs and cheering for them.  He wasn’t the only one to get teary eyed at the welcome.  This happened on a daily basis for all of the soldiers returning to American soil.  Everyday people volunteered their day to go support our troops.

While I will never be grateful for the tragic events of September 11, 2001, I will be grateful for the good that it brought out of our nation.  While it seems much of that good has faded over the last 10 years, some of it has remained and that is what I will remember on this day.

 

photo credit

I had Cafe Rio for dinner yesterday. (And I might have had the leftovers for breakfast this morning.) The worst break up of my life happened at the same Cafe Rio.  I met my boyfriend there for lunch.  I had been out of the state all summer and was so glad to have a Cafe Rio salad again.  Before we went in he said he wanted to go on a walk and talk.  I knew it wasn’t good.  On the walk he told me that he wanted to date someone else.  This wasn’t a surprise to me, I had known about her all along.  He technically wasn’t my boyfriend he just acted like he was.  It still crushed me.  He asked if I still wanted to have lunch with him.  I didn’t.  Instead I drove to see my brother at work and bawled my eyes out.  Sorry Kurt.  Then my sister bought me a Hogi Yogi sub for dinner and forced me to eat it even though I was way too sad to eat.  I thought he had ruined Cafe Rio for me for good.  Thought I’d never go back.  Oh how glad I am that I was wrong.

I’ve only been broken up with one other time.  I was 15.  He was my first kiss.  In our church it’s recommended that you wait until you’re 16 to date.  I didn’t follow that recommendation.  My boyfriends parents weren’t too happy that I wasn’t 16.  They talked him into breaking up with me.  At least that’s the story I heard from one of his friends.  I don’t remember being too upset about the whole thing.

I’ve only broken up with one boyfriend.  Two days later we were engaged.  Man am I glad that break up didn’t last.

Today I went to the library.  I only needed to return a few books and grab a book that I had on hold.  It would only be a second so I left my bag in the car.  (I live in a pretty safe town, I wasn’t too worried about it getting stolen.)  Since I only had Baby Boy with me I was in the library and ready to check out in no time.  I started the process when the computer asked me, like it has for the last year or so, if I wanted to pay my fines.  I clicked the “Pay Later” button like I always do.  Then a big red box popped up and told me I couldn’t check anything out without paying my fine.  Apparently you can’t push “Pay Later” forever.  So I stashed my book in a close spot and went out to the car to get my debit card.  When I got back in I paid my fine and tried to check out the book but it said there was a problem with my library card and I had to take it to the circulation desk.  I was using Eli’s card to check out a book because I couldn’t find mine.  I waited in line and it turns out they had my lost card.  I’m glad to have it back but so much for my quick trip into the library.

After the library I went to Costco.  On my way in there was a display of windshield wipers.  We need new ones on our car so I grabbed some.  When I got home I got the mail.  There were Costco coupons in there.  One of them is a buy one get one free coupon for the exact same windshield wipers.  (A similar thing only worse happened to us when we bought our video camera a few months ago.  I won’t go into it now.  It still bugs me.)

Medium Boy had a soccer game tonight.  He was playing at the neighbors when it was time to go so I got everything ready and picked him up on our way.  We were there about 10 minutes early but he still had to change his clothes and get his cleats on.  I figured we were right on time.  When we pulled in the parking lot he told me that he pooped in his underwear.  (We have had a stomach bug going through our family for a week or so so this is not the first time this had happened recently.)  I turned around and drove home.  You can’t play soccer in poopy pants.  When we got home Medium Boy went into the bathroom and said “Oh, there isn’t any poop in my underwear.”  So back to the game we went.  Luckily the field is only 5 minutes from home.

Funny thing is, it was pretty much a normal day.

We went to a baseball game as a family last night.  It had been on the calendar for a few weeks but when yesterday came I didn’t want to go.  Taking kids to events like that takes work.  It’s not hard work but it’s still work.  Once you’re there it’s not like the work ends.  It’s even more work to keep them occupied and not bothering the people around you.  Not to mention the fact that it is after their bedtime and the effects of that are felt the next day.  It is just so much easier to stay home and put the kids to bed on time.

We went to the game and as usually happens, I was glad we did.  It was fun.  Even though it was work it wasn’t too bad and the effort was worth it.  As I was sitting there I thought, “Why don’t we do stuff like this more often?”

It’s funny how we don’t do things because of the effort that is involved.  It seems like most of the time when we put forth the effort and the work, it’s worth it in the end.

There is one story that I can think of when the effort definitely wasn’t worth it.  The following is a post from my family blog from 2008.

I just wanted to share our day with you. My husband has wanted to take Big Boy camping again for awhile now and had planned to do it tonight. He decided on Payson Lakes because, well, I don’t know why but that is where he wanted to go. So I decided that Medium Boy and I would join them for the day playing at the lake and then we would come home and sleep at home. So, this morning we spend about an hour getting stuff and kids ready to go. Then we stop at Wal Mart so my husband can get some breakfast items and also to get some oars for a little blow-up raft that he purchased a few days ago. They didn’t have any oars so we went to another store in Payson which also didn’t have any. So, my husband went up the canyon with the boys and I drove out to Santaquin to borrow his sisters oars. My husband called me from the campground and told me that it was totally full (which I had expected since it’s a holiday weekend, but he didn’t believe me.) So we spend some time driving to another campground a few miles away which is also full. Then my husband found a spot off of the road that already had a fire pit and you could tell it was an unofficial camp site. But Big Boy didn’t want to camp there because the grass was long and there were too many bugs. Granted, he did only have flip-flops. I meant to get some other shoes for him but forgot.

So we put the tent back in the car and went over to the lakes. We pulled into the lakes in two cars and ended up having to pay $5 per car. Then we get to the lake, let the kids play while my husband blows up the raft. And by play I mean listen to Big Boy complain about the water being cold and try to keep Medium Boy in the shallow water. Then we all get in the raft and Medium Boy cries the whole time. Big Boy is complaining about something the whole time. We ended up putting Medium Boy back in the water and my husband held onto his life jacket but it didn’t help, he still cried. We were out in the boat for about 20 minutes and figured it wasn’t worth it. I was going to bring Medium Boy home so my husband and Big Boy could stay and have fun but then Big Boy was complaining too much so we all left and came home.

We set out for a day of fun and all that really happened was us wasting gas money driving two cars all the way up there, spending $30 at Wal Mart that wouldn’t have been spent regularly and dealing with two ornery kids the whole time. The one good thing is that Big Boy fell asleep on the way home and it looks like he will sleep all night. Although with our luck today he will wake up about 9 and be all rested and not go back to sleep.

That is the only time I can think of that all of the effort wasn’t worth the reward.

This doesn’t just apply to taking kids out of the house.  It can apply to our lives in so many ways.  For example, we remodeled part of our house this summer.  That meant that most of the stuff that is upstairs had to be moved downstairs.  The downstairs is already full of our stuff plus my parents stuff that is being stored here while they are out of the country for a few years.  Then all 5 of us had to live down there.  It was chaos.  We have finished the upstairs (mostly) and have been sleeping up here for weeks yet the downstairs is still a disaster.  Every time I go down there it drives me crazy but I don’t do anything about it.

Well, this weekend my husband and I finally made ourselves go down there and work on it.  We started with the room that required the least amount of work to put back together.  Surprising?  Not really.  We probably spent a half hour or so and the room looks so good.  Later that night, after we were finished cleaning, I went in that room and just stood in there and looked around.  I stayed for about 5 minutes just enjoying it.  It felt so nice to be in a clean, organized space.  Especially one that I knew would stay that way for awhile since it’s the guest room and the kids rarely go in there.  The effort to clean the room was totally worth it.  Why didn’t I do it sooner?

Because I’m still learning that the effort is worth it.  That the rewards that come from putting in the work are far greater than I can imagine.  And because even when I know how great it will feel once it’s done, it still requires work and sometimes that’s just hard to get myself to do.

(Photo taken by Big Boy with his dad’s iphone.)

We spent our Labor Day evening at the local minor league baseball game.  A few hours before the game the big boys helped their dad paint a door so they were wearing old paint clothes.  When it was time to leave for the game neither of them wanted to change their clothes.  I learned long ago that what they’re wearing is one battle I don’t fight.  As long as they have clothes on I figure we’re good.  So they went to the game in their paint clothes.

Of course when you go to a sporting event you have to buy something to eat.  I usually get something for the boys because it keeps them occupied and still for awhile while they’re eating.  Tonight we all wanted a frozen lemonade so I set out with all three boys to find us one.  The first concession stand was out of them.  We almost bought some orange creamsicles instead but decided to check the other stand first.  I really wanted a frozen lemonade.  The other stand didn’t have any either.  We were trying to figure out what to get instead when the girl who was working there asked if we wanted an ice-cream.  I asked for two orange creamsicles so she went and got them.  She took some time and I watched her digging through the box.  I was worried that they were going to be out of those too and I’d have to change plans again.  Once my boys have their mind set on something it can be hard to get them to change.  She came back a few minutes later with two rather sad looking creamsicles.  I tried to give her money for them and she refused it.  I asked if she was sure and she said she was and mentioned how they looked.  I gratefully put my money back in my bag and we brought our mangled, free, orange creamsicles back to our seats, stopping to get spoons on the way so we’d actually be able to eat them.

As we were walking back to our seats, I looked at my boys in their paint clothes and smiled.  Then it hit me that maybe the concession girl felt bad for me and gave me the popsicles for free because of the way my kids were dressed.  I’m sure I looked tired and worn down because I was feeling that way.  Maybe we looked like we could really use the $4 for something else.  If that’s the case, I think I’ll have my kids dress like ragamuffins more often.  I like free stuff.

Medium Boy had a soccer game tonight.  That boy loves soccer games.  He is always counting down the days until Thursday.  Tonight he hopped up right after dinner and got ready all by himself, without having to be asked.  It’s not easy for a 4 year old to put on soccer socks and shin guards but he tried and tried until he got it.  That’s how I know he loves soccer.

You know who else loves soccer?  Me.  I think I like watching my boys play it more than I like playing it myself.  I discovered lately that watching my boys play sports is one of my all-time favorite things to do.  Nothing beats times like the one pictured above when a goal is scored and your child looks at you with that look of joy on his face.

The first year my husband and I were married we lived about an hour and a half away from all of our family and friends and his job kept him away for days at a time.  One night I went for a walk around the park a block from our house.  There was a little league baseball game going on.  I didn’t know anyone who was playing but I sat down and watched it until it ended.  There is just something about little league sports that is enjoyable to me.

I guess it’s a good thing I enjoy it so much because with 3 boys I imagine there is going to be plenty of little league sports in our future.

Background – I spent a summer during college working in Alaska with my sister.  This post is from this time.  We didn’t have a car so we had to ride the bus to work.  The bus was called the People Mover.  This also happens to be exactly 1 year before I got married.  That has noting to do with the journal entry I just thought it was cool.

July 5, 2001

Yesterday was the worst 4th of July I’ve ever had.  It was pouring rain, I had to work and they don’t do fireworks up here.  At least I hung out with friends.  We watched Dude, Where’s my Car?  Phil was at work too so I didn’t even see him.  It’s alright.  The rest of the summer more than makes up for a bad 4th.  The best part of the day was actually work.  They ordered pizza for us and we had banana splits.  We had the radio on and cleaned off the desks.  It was pretty fun actually.

Well, Chris moved out and took the truck with him so Em and I are back to our People Mover days.  There’s always excitement on the People Mover though.  This morning we waited in the pouring rain and this afternoon there was a drunk native woman who yelled out that she had some information for us.  Then she proceeded to tell us about a 13 year old girl who is pregnant and that it’s the states fault.  It was pretty dang funny.  You gotta love the People Mover.