It’s funny how you grow up and all the sudden realize you are turning into your mom.

Growing up my mom had a children’s Christmas party every year.  She would invite all of the little children in the neighborhood over to our house while the older kids were in school.  Her goal was to give the parents a day to work on Christmas stuff without the kids around.  When we were older she would let us stay home from school and help her.  There were sometimes a lot of kids and I’m sure she needed all the help she could get.

When these children came over they didn’t just play.  My mom always had all sorts of projects for them to do or treats for them to make.  I’ve made quite a few pine cone/peanut butter bird feeders in my day.

The last few years I’ve thought about having one of these parties but talked myself out of it because it seemed too overwhelming.  This year I realized that I could have the party for a few people.  I invited 5 friends to bring their children over for the day.  It was so much fun.  I spent the day being chased by a shark, making sugar cones into Christmas trees, reading books, and making 7 PBJ’s for lunch.  I also fell in love with a few children that turned out to be so fun to have in my home.  Although I know I shouldn’t be, I’m surprised at how much I benefited from the experience.

I’m glad that I was able to take a good idea and turn it into something that works for me at this stage of life.  I don’t always see things that way.  And I’m glad that I have a great mom who may not be so bad to turn into after all.

Parenting is hard.  I’m sure that is no surprise to anyone.  (I’m also sure that what I feel is hard now will probably be a huge understatement compared to what parenting a teenager will be like.)  There is never a clear answer and if you happen to find one with one kid, it isn’t the same for another kid.

We are having some obedience issues with our children right now.  They aren’t anything more than the normal things you deal with as a parent, at least I don’t think they are.  But really, who knows what normal is when it comes to kids and parenting?  I certainly don’t.  Anyway, back to the issue.  My kids just don’t want to listen and I am so sick and tired of nagging them all the time and getting upset over their actions.  Something had to change.

Last week I decided that I wouldn’t be on their case all day about them doing their Saturday jobs.  The jobs didn’t get done on Saturday.  They didn’t even get done on Monday.  Medium Boy got his done on Tuesday, Big Boy waited until Thursday.  The consequence was that they couldn’t play with friends or have any screen time until the jobs were done.  Those are two things they both really enjoy.  Apparently they don’t like them as much as I thought they did because they went almost a week without them and managed just fine.  As a matter of fact, it was quite refreshing for me to not be asked a million times a day if they could play on something.  I was surprised at their ability to be creative and play with other things when the computer, wii and friends were out of the question.

This last Saturday they were both done with their jobs by 9:00 am.  Big Boy wanted to finish playing computer game that he started the night before and couldn’t until the jobs were done.

I look back at these two experiences and have to wonder.  The expectation was exactly the same, they had to get their jobs done.  The consequence was the same too.  I guess it all comes down to agency, the fact that my children have the right to choose.  If they choose to not do their jobs they know what the consequence will be.  Sometimes they’re okay with the consequences, sometimes they aren’t.  I sure wish I could choose when they will do their jobs early in the morning and when they wait a week, but that’s not how it works.  I have to learn to be okay with the fact that it’s okay if the toy room or bathroom isn’t cleaned for a few extra days.  Getting upset about it affects me way more than it does them.

I need to keep reminding myself that the ultimate goal isn’t to have a clean house all of the time.  It isn’t even to teach my boys to work and that they are a part of our family and therefore they need to contribute.  Although those are goals that I have in parenting, they aren’t what matters most.  The ultimate goal is to teach them that they have to make choices and their choices have consequences.  If they can learn that now it will be well worth a dirty house for a few days.

Short and sweet.  Two of my favorite blog posts that I read this week can be found here and here.  They are a good reminder during this season and any season about how blessed we are.  I have been thinking lately about the fact that someone else wants what I have.  It really helps me to be grateful for my blessings even when they may not feel like blessings.

As my older boys grow up I have noticed that they tend to have a theme.  Certain things that keep happening to them that don’t happen to the others.

Big Boy is the injured.  I have had to take him to the ER 3 times.  He has had stitches on his face 3 times, a staple in his head once and at least one other cut on his face that probably could have been stitched but we chose not to bring him in.  Of course all three trips to the ER were when dad was gone so I had to handle it.  Yes, the only place that he hurts is his face.  We may be able to call him scar face soon.

Medium Boy is the destroyer.  He has broken more things than I can remember.  Books that made it through Big Boy looking practically new were torn and written on in no time once Medium Boy could get to them.  He tried to throw an 8 lb weight through the sliding glass door once.  The weight won.  Just in the last week he has broken the mirror in the bathroom, broken my hand held mirror, put a quarter in the DVD player in the car, and cut a perfectly good ball of yarn into tiny, unusable pieces.

I haven’t discovered Baby Boy’s theme yet but I imagine he’ll have one.  Please let it be the peacemaker.

I have a hard time asking for help.  I like to be independent and it’s hard for me to admit that I can’t always do it all.

Friday night I brought my boys to our ward (church congregation) Christmas party.  My husband wasn’t able to go with us so I was on my own.  I was a little worried about how it would all turn out.  I wasn’t going to ask anyone for help but at the same time I wished someone would notice me by myself and offer to sit and help me out.  It didn’t happen.  I didn’t really need help, if I did I would have asked for it, but a little recognition from someone would have been nice.  (Makes me think of this post.)

At 7:30 on Saturday morning I had to go pick up my bountiful basket.  I sent Big Boy out about 7:20 to start the car so it would warm up.  He came in a few minutes later and told me that when he tried to start it it just clicked.  Not exactly how I wanted to start my weekend.  My husband was still gone with our other car sitting in an airport parking lot.  I couldn’t bring myself to call a neighbor or friend at 7:30 on a Saturday morning but I also didn’t want to not get my food especially if it was going to be awhile until I could drive to the grocery store.  I loaded Baby Boy up in the stroller, left strict instructions with Big Boy to lock the door behind me and not answer the door or the phone unless it was me calling and to call me if he needed anything.  Then I left my 7 and 5 year olds home alone while I ran a mile to the pick-up site with Baby Boy in the stroller in about 20 degree weather.  By the time I got there they were calling me because I was a half hour late.  When I told them my situation they girl in charge said “Why didn’t you call me?”  Then another girl who was just there getting her basket offered to drive mine home for me.  She offered me a ride too but didn’t have a car seat so I told her I’d be fine walking home.

When I got home I saw the one of my neighbors had called.  She didn’t leave a message so I didn’t call her back.  Well, this morning my car wouldn’t start again.  I had a friend come help me jump start it and I’ll hopefully get the battery fixed today but when I got back inside my neighbor called again.  She had noticed that I was having trouble with my car and called to make sure I didn’t need any help.  This neighbor is older, her kids are my age, and she recently had neck surgery.  In spite of all that she is dealing with, she noticed that I might need help and didn’t wait to offer it.

I guess what I’m getting at is that there are many times in life when we can help others.  Small things that make a big difference to someone.  My neighbor didn’t help me but her offer to help lifted me.  These last few days have helped me to realize that there are opportunities to help others all around us.  All we have to do is open our eyes and hearts and notice them.  I hope that I can notice the help that others need more often and not be afraid to offer what I can offer.

My favorite comic from the Sunday paper.

Did you read cjane’s birth story?  I loved it.  I can’t imagine what it would be like to have a baby at home, without anyone there but your husband then just wake the kids up in the morning like it’s any other day.  I think it would be incredible.  I don’t think I could do it.  I’m too afraid.  Too many “what ifs”.  That girl has a lot of faith.

I visited with a neighbor this afternoon.  She is 88 years old and her husband passed away last summer.  She has some health problems so she can’t go out for too long.  She gets so lonely.  It’s interesting to talk to her and hear about her struggles.  She is alone all the time, doesn’t have much to do, sleeps a lot.  It’s hard for her.

Here I am with a house full of noise and kids, never get as much sleep as I’d like to and always have a never ending to do list.  What I wouldn’t do for a day of quiet, all to myself.  To actually be alone, be able to sleep if I wanted, and not feel like I have a huge list of things I needed to do.

My husband had to go to Puerto Rico for work back in 2009 and I decided to go with him.  Because of the circumstances, I had to be at the hotel all day alone while he went to his classes.  The hotel was right on the beach.  My husband kept apologizing to me because I was stuck there and couldn’t do anything.  Little did he know it was the best, most relaxing, vacation ever.  I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.  There was absolutely no pressure to be doing anything else.  I sat on the beach and read, took pictures, slept in, and just enjoyed having nothing to do.

For my neighbor it’s a struggle, for me it was heaven.

She mentioned once that she only cleans her house every other week or so.  How would that be?  Of course I know that it wouldn’t be all that great because a clean house means no children.  It means not hearing their laughter and the funny things they say.  It means not getting loving hugs from them whenever I want and seeing the smile on their face when they learn something new.  For me, it would also mean no husband around.  (He’s pretty good at leaving things around the house.)  No one to share my trials and joys with.  Of course I would trade a million dirty houses for a house full of family and love.

It can be so easy to long for other days, wish for a different season of life.  Right now, I’m trying to enjoy the season I’m in, chaos and all.

(Me and Matt, my first boyfriend.  Yes, I look like a ghost.  It was winter but I’m also claiming some wash out from the flash.)

January 9, 96

MATT KISSED ME!  Oh today was such a good day.  Matt came here after school.  He stayed until 7.  At first we were just talking and stuff, then we went and sat on the couch.  We were just holding hands at first.  Mom and Dad left and the tv was unlocked so we watched tv for awhile.  Then I was just laying on his shoulder.  Then we watched Hook.  We got all cuddled then.  We were holding hands, my leg was between his but only down by the feet.  I had my hand all the way around his chest and it was stuffed under his back.  Oh I loved it.  We had sat like that for a long time.  So many times our lips were about a centimeter apart.  I wanted him to kiss me so bad, I thouhgt he would but I wasn’t quite sure.  Then one time when our faces were close he just moved a little and kissed me.  It was two small pecks, then Lindsey started talking to me.  I feel kind of stupid though because Sammy and Lindsey were both in the room.  I don’t think they saw us though.

My first kiss and my little brother and sister were in the room.  I’m embarrassed at how much I described how we were cuddling.  The things that are important to a 15 year old.

So many times at the end of the day it is easy to see all that is left undone.  The rooms that are still a mess, the clean clothes that still aren’t folded, the items still left on the “to do” list.  So tonight I’m going to focus on the positive.

Today I …

• Called the health insurance and dental insurance.
• Brought two kids to Target in the freezing cold.
• Spent some time cleaning up the downstairs.
• Wrote 2 blog posts.
• Cleaned part of the kitchen.  There is now one counter that is completely cleaned off.  It’s a start.
• Put pots, pans, lids and bowls back in the cupboard multiple times.
• Made dinner.
• Spray painted a basket.
• Played with Baby Boy.
• Remembered to have Medium Boy bring a check and the book bag to preschool. (Both of which were forgotten last Friday.)
• Read How the Grinch Stole Christmas to the big boys.
• Helped the big boys write letters to Santa.
• Talked to my husband and finally came to a decision on a dental issue we’re facing with Big Boy.

All of this on top of changing many diapers, getting drinks, dressing children, etc.  I feel much better about my day now.